Dirty Little Secrets

May 30, 2011
Psychotherapist Cohen defines "loose girls" as female teens who find self-worth only through the attentions of boys, and who pursue self-destructive and promiscuous behavior. Cohen, who wrote candidly of her own history in her memoir (Loose Girl), now seeks to identify the loose girl experience and help girls gain power over their own lives. The author weaves stories of loose girls throughout the text, culling anecdotes from 75 American volunteers who e-mailed her after reading her memoir (to her credit, she admits that this is "not by any stretch of the imagination" a scientific study). The girls' stories, however, lead her to conclude that they all share in common a "dirty little secret"âthe yearning to be needed. Cohen faults mainstream culture for giving girls limited options (virgin, slut, empowered girl) and promoting the message that young females should appear sexy without desiring sex. It is the culture itself, Cohen argues, that requires change, but until that happens (unlikely, especially with the added influence of the Internet and cellphones), she urges parents to help their girls find worth in activities other than the pursuit of boys, such as sports, academics, or the arts. Cohen also debunks abstinence-only programs, which, she asserts, compound the erroneous message that girls themselves are to be blamed and shamed for their natural sexual feelings.

September 15, 2011

Cohen (Loose Girl, 2009) broadens her examination of promiscuity by sharing stories of women from varying backgrounds and experiences.

The author asserts that she wrote the book because many women "wanted answers, a formula, to get themselves to a new place, to stop harming themselves with their promiscuity." As in many works that explore women and self-image, Cohen discusses how media and society's distortion of women's roles starts early, often before we even realize what is happening. She relates how, despite careful parenting, she noticed that when her 3-year-old son put on a cape, the people he pretended to save were always female. With respect to technological advancements in society, Cohen includes a chapter titled "Brave New World," which tackles modern topics like sexting and online chatting. Young girls use these avenues to explore their sexuality; the author provides an example of Amelia, who uses "sexting and cyber sex to pick up boys she likes who she meets in school, but is too shy to speak to in person." Cohen goes on to say that Amelia admits that she uses this activity obsessively and gets insulted when rejected. The author offers tangible advice including how sharing stories and creating new habits, such as self-reflection and setting boundaries, can address this issue.

Largely anecdotal but serves as an engaging catalyst for discussions about a taboo issue.

(COPYRIGHT (2011) KIRKUS REVIEWS/NIELSEN BUSINESS MEDIA, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.)

August 1, 2011
Cohen (Loose Girl, 2008) returns to her signature subject: teenage girls and promiscuity. She challenges the assertion that nice girls should say no and analyzes the confusing messages of magazines, commercials, television, music, and movies that urge girls to get male attention through their looks, only to condemn those who follow that advice to its natural conclusion as sluts. Referencing everything from Disney's Little Mermaid to Twilight's Bella, Cohen ponders the pervasiveness of the virgin myth, which, contrary to girl-power culture, asserts that young women should never give in to their sexual urges. Smashing statistics, ferreting out falsehoods, and exploring a multitude of reasons behind why girls use sex to prove their worth, Cohen calls for us to transform the culture when it comes to teen girls and sex. Whether sharing the stories of her readers or her disappointment at a visit to the Dr. Phil TV show, where virginity was celebrated, Cohen argues that sex is a healthy part of every person's life. It is our inability to address it realistically that leads so many teenage girls astray.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2011, American Library Association.)